Culture Shock

Last week, I got sick and struggled to stay caught up. My laoshi actually admonished me for doing my homework instead of resting, but I kept up with my work because I had my first-ever Chinese test on Friday. After the test, I felt wonderful. I suspected a couple of mistakes in the listening portion because I have a little trouble sometimes distinguishing between the second (rising) and fourth (falling) tones, when they're spoken quickly.

I got a middle-high A on the test, and I was thrilled. I also got a wonderful score on my oral test from Thursday.

But my laoshi told me that my recording was worse than it had been the week before (although I got an A on that as well), and that she expected a higher score from me on my tests. She said that I had to keep working very hard and improving.

I was shocked and took it kind of personally. I am naturally a perfectionist (to an unhealthy degree), and I hate disappointing my teachers. I wondered how I could possibly work harder because I already spend a great deal of time practicing my Chinese. Maybe too much.

Last night, I grew frustrated with myself and had to take a break from studying. I did some stretching and chatted with any friends in America who were awake.

Then, one of them suggested to me that this teaching style was part of Chinese culture.

I have not thought of myself as suffering from culture shock. I've had my moments of homesickness, but they have more to do with missing loved ones than missing American culture or food. I like being in Xi'an. It's a good city, as far as cities go. It isn't perfect, but it's interesting, and that's why it's beautiful. I like life to be a little grungy. I do feel a little disconnected from Chinese life, but getting a roommate tomorrow will help to bridge that gap.

But culture shock isn't just about homesickness and a disconnect with the culture.

There's an unsettled feeling that's sometimes barely perceptible. You might not notice it's there, but it makes it more difficult to go to class, to do your work, to learn effectively. It turns small injuries and sicknesses into worrisome problems, and it makes simple things like going to dinner feel like chores.

It's that kind of culture shock that made me excessively worried about my Chinese language practice. Especially because the harder I work, the more I crack the language barrier.

Combine that with the actual culture difference in teaching style (Chinese urging for perfection versus American praise), and I was way more worried about my learning than I needed to be.

The truth is, I'm learning quite well. I see more progress every day when I go out on the street. I catch phrases. I suddenly find myself able to read snippets of signs and graffiti.

I don't have to be so hard on myself.

And, in similar situations, you don't have to be so hard on yourselves, either.